In our world, cable shows don’t exist until they pop up on Netflix. So this means we’ve recently discovered House Hunters. And West Wing. And Gilmore Girls. But I digress. Back to House Hunters. That show drives me crazy. I can’t handle it. It stresses me out. There are a few reasons, like… how rich are we in America? A couple with no kids needs a 3,000sf house? No one can cook dinner with mismatched appliances? Popcorn ceilings illicit shrieks of horror? Lord help us.
But that’s not my biggest beef. Here it is. The men on that show are whipped. Beat. Dominated. Disrespected. Time after time, the man mentions a few things that he wants in a house… and the wife quickly tells him to shove it. Not in so many words, but that’s what she means. She shows him the tiny corner of the closet that he can have. She tells him how his video games will be relegated to the unfinished basement. He wants a big yard to throw the ball around in? Forget it. He wants an older home with character? That’s gross. He wants an office for himself? Sorry buddy, you can park your desk in the kids’ 1,000 sf playroom.
Now, maybe I could handle the man-squashing if the guys would stand up to their wives and give it back to them. But that doesn’t happen. The guy just giggles, makes a sarcastic comment, or even worse says “yes ma’am” or “you’re the boss.”
Lord help us.
Let me throw out a crazy idea. Men were created and designed to be the head of the home. The leader of the wife. The main provider and the final decision-maker. Woah. Hold on. So if the man is the leader, what is the wife’s role? She is told to respect her husband. Follow his lead and be his supporter.
I know it sounds harsh. But let me show you how it works in my home. Keep in mind that we are far from perfect. In fact, one of my biggest hesitations in blogging is that I never want to put up a false impression of my far-from-perfect life.
My husband is the leader of our home. He makes the final call on all big decisions. I ask his permission before I spend money outside the budget. I discuss with him how we should raise the kids, homeschool them and handle their various issues. I give him my opinions and any wisdom I’ve been given from the Lord. But ultimately he decides. Now this doesn’t mean that he picks the colors of our paint or that he lays out my clothes in the morning. I have plenty of authority over my day-to-day life. But in the big things, he’s the boss. You might think that I am forcing myself into this lower posture. But the truth is that I am grateful for the place the Lord has given me. I am grateful to be under Rick’s covering. What a relief to have a Godly man praying for me, hearing God for me, covering our family with his protection and provision. This doesn’t make me less than. In fact, it makes me more than most women. I have a husband who has accepted his leadership role… and in doing so he is giving his life for his family.
You see, true leadership is sacrifice. It’s what Jesus exemplified in the manger and on the cross. Before He asked us to surrender our hearts to Him, He first laid down His life of glory and prestige. Before He asked us to surrender our lives to Him, He first laid down His life on the cross. Who wouldn’t want to follow that type of sacrificial leadership?
My husband isn’t Jesus. But he is a disciple, a Christ-follower. Every day he lays his life down for me and the kids by working, providing, loving and protecting us. I have NO doubt in my mind that he would do anything for us. Who wouldn’t want to follow that type of sacrificial leadership?
Wives, you may be reading this and thinking… my husband is not stepping up. He’s passive. He’s apathetic. He’s nowhere ready to lead us. Here is my advice, take it or leave it. Let him make some decisions, even small ones. Don’t give all your opinions and tell him why he’s wrong. Show him that you trust him and that you support him. Make a habit of this. Ask his opinion. Ask him how he wants the money spent. Ask him to pray for you and the kids. Tell him that you need him to hear from the Lord for your family. And then be his biggest cheerleader. Praise him for working hard, for the things he does around the house. Publicly compliment him, even if it’s something small. Keep his failures to yourself. Don’t uncover his weaknesses to others. Speak highly of him to your kids.
Guys, you may be reading this and wishing your wife would do these things. But are you giving her something to respect? Do you make every effort to provide? Are you living a Godly life and spiritually leading your family? Are you on top of your finances? Do you discipline your kids or just leave all that stuff to her? Here’s my challenge. Be the man your wife can respect. Be honest and true. Be chivalrous and kind. Be confident and masculine. Show her every day that you live to honor the Lord and love your family. Trust me, she won’t be able to resist you!
This all might sound ridiculous to you. It goes completely against our human nature. You may have never seen this type of relationship in your own life or your family. I can only tell you from my personal experience that it’s best. It works. It brings peace to your home. There is nothing greater than a man who feels respected by his wife. There is nothing that man cannot accomplish. Give it a try and just watch the heights he will ascend to.